You know what it is?
I'm tired of being made to feel like a criminal. What do all these labels and letter grades that we are being given as schools and educators mean? If taken at face value, they mean that I'm a sub-standard teacher who is royally screwing up a generation of kids.
I'm tired of it.
I am not screwing up my children! They need SO MUCH! And yes, I understand that I am not fully equipped to give them all they need. Yes, I understand that there is room to improve. But what you need to understand is that I'm WILLING TO LEARN! I'm open to support. I'm begging for support. And not the kind where you come into my classroom, wander around with your damn clipboards and write down my posted objectives. What the HELL is that helping? WHO is that helping? Certainly not me. And forget about the kids.
Help me feel like a professional. Honor my judgment and education. Honor my ability to learn and my desire to succeed. Honor the progress I've made. And for crying out loud, honor the challenges I face.
My children are in a safe classroom environment, except for the days that you come in to evaluate. I am driven to distraction by the scratching of your nit-picking pencils furiously scribbling down every little component of the ridiculous reading program that I did not address. On those days, I am not connected with the little individuals who wait at my feet to be given direction and boundaries. Yes, boundaries. I spend a large majority of my day helping these little people learn how navigate the difficulties of being a human person existing in a small space with other human persons.
You need to understand that we have an entire history of civilization between the walls of my classroom and one day of guerilla-tactic observations is not going to give you an accurate picture of the needs, personalities, strengths, and challenges of my community. It will not give you even a partial picture of what I can do or what I need help with.
You can't sit in a meeting with me, tell me it is an objective means to determine the school needs, and then end with the smug comment, "You have confirmed many of my assumptions." What? You came with assumptions!? Of COURSE we'll confirm them! They are what you came to see. Damn you and your assumptions. And your pencils. And your clipboards.
Please understand that I am fully aware of my weaknesses as an educator. I am not naive, as you insinuated with your comment (insinuated nothing! You said it straight out). Please understand that I am not incapable or stupid, either. Give me room to grow. Give me the opportunity to stretch my wings and sharpen my skills. Give me the human right to fail and pick myself up again.
I am not a liability to my students.
Today, you made me question that. Your words and "assumptions" made me feel like I am the worst thing to happen to this group of kids. Perhaps I'm not the problem. You say the bottom line is that we have to do what is "best for the kids." Do you even know what that is? Is what's "best for the kids" accolades for you and the good ol' boys at the top? Is it "best for the kids" to save face in a system that is set up to make these kids fail? I think you lost sight of what's "best for the kids" awhile ago, dear sirs.
Perhaps you are the liability to my students.
Damn you.
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