Stuff I've Learned...

#1 Anger is not a sin.

*Gasp*

Nope, it isn't.  Anger is a FEELING.  Feelings have no morality; they are neither good nor bad.  They are simply signals to what's going on internally.  Feelings can, however, lead to actions.  Actions DO have morality.  When I'm feeling angry, it is my emotional self saying, "Hey!  YO!  Pay attention!  Something isn't lining up here!"

Feelings are aligned with our core beliefs and values and when some stimuli doesn't agree with those values, we are alerted.  It could be that our core beliefs and values are the flawed parties or it could be that something we are subjected to is wrong or hurtful.  No matter the cause, the effect is a barrage of feelings--anger being one of them.

Now, FEELING angry is not a license to ACT angry.  There's the rub, folks.  ACTING angry and lashing out IS a sin.  When my internal alarm goes off, that does NOT give me the right to punish other people.  It does NOT give me the right to punish myself, even.

Anger can be a motivating force for change, whether it be changing a core belief/value or changing an environment or relationship (or whatever else one can change).  I have shamed myself for many years for feeling angry.  How absolutely ridiculous is that? The anger doesn't simply go away because I ignore it!  It festers and re-emerges as depression or bitterness.  Recently, I've been trying to honor the anger I feel and see it as a signal of the inner workings of my emotional self.  Anger has energized me to have conversations to define boundaries.  Anger has energized me to move beyond relationships (or non-relationships) that were degrading to me.  Anger has energized me to look deeply at my core beliefs and work on those that are faulty.

Tell me HOW those things are bad?

Stuff I've Read...

A good friend of mine had a fantastic idea.  She let me tag along as she shopped for this fantastic idea.  She wasn't even offended when I imitated her fantastic idea.  


What was this fantastic idea, you may ask (or may not, but Imma tell you anyway)?


Journaling.


She determined to keep a variety of journals to document her life. She already had a journal specific to her travels (she writes one page per trip).  She has a dream journal and some other types (I can't remember them right now).  I decided to follow suit.  I started with high hopes and energy, but like most things (such as my Master's degree), I kinda pooped out.


There is one that I've kept up on more than others, however.  That is my book log.  The idea was to write a quick summary and some reactions to the books I read.  Recently I've gotten as far as writing down the titles.  And here they are for your perusal:


Summer '10
Melody Beatty
Codependent No More
Beyond Codependency
The New Codependency


John Powell
Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am?


Elizabeth Gilbert
Eat, Pray, Love


Paolo Coelho
The Alchemist


Victor Frankl
Man's Search for Meaning


Sergio F. Bambaren
The Dolphin


Douglas Adams
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
The Restaurant at the End of the Universe


August-December '10
JK Rowling
The Harry Potter Series (1-7)


September-October '10
Don Miguel Ruiz
The Four Agreements


October-November '10
Keven and Hannah Selwen
The Power of Half


Christopher McDougal
Born to Run


December '10
Laura Munson
This is Not the Story You Think It Is


January-February '11
Harper Lee
To Kill a Mockingbird


February-March '11
Brent Landau (translation)
The Revelation of the Magi


Antoine de Saint-Exupery
The Little Prince


April '11
Yann Martel
Beatrice and Virgil


Richard Rhodes
Deadly Feasts


October '11
Kathryn Stockett
The Help


November-December '11
William Goldman
The Princess Bride


Late '11-Early '12
JK Rowling
The Harry Potter Series (1-7)


January 5, 2012
I'm unsure of the author
I'm also unsure of the title of the book--I read it at my friend's house while I was waiting for her.  It was a quaint little guide to raising chickens.  The author was a little old lady who originated from Britain.


January '12
Martha Brockenbrough
Things That Make Us [SIC]


Stephen Colbert
I Am America (and so can you!)


Cormac McCarthy
The Road


February '12
Suzanne Collins
The Hunger Games
Catching Fire
Mockingjay


John Krakauer
Into Thin Air


March '12
CS Lewis
The Magician's Nephew


Suzanne Collins
The Hunger Games


As you can see, I am a serial reader.  I re-read books just as I re-watch movies.  I find a lot of comfort in that.  Besides, I once heard a quote that a truly literate person is one who revisits books time and time again.  I'm sure the one who uttered those words did not have The Harry Potter series in mind...


Keeping a journal of sorts about my adventures in books has made me feel more accountable.  There is a slight pressure on my shoulders to seek out and find a wider variety of books.  I do not naturally gravitate toward non-fiction, so if you have suggestions, send them my way!

Why Can't Young Men Be More Like That...?

I love Don.  Everyone needs to work with Don.  He's just great.  


Here is a recap of one of our very first conversations.


"So, you're Mormon."
"Yes I am."
"My wife's brother and his wife are Mormon.  I may have some questions for you someday."
"Fabulous."
*Pause
"I don't want to join your church.  I just have some questions."


The conversation picked up again a few weeks later.


"Hi Don."
"I wish I were.  Come in.  Sit."
*Interlocks his fingers behind his head and stretches his legs out in front of him
"Question number one.  Why long underwear?"


Oh Don, you are just great. 


A little more background before one jumps to creepy conclusions about this man.  Don (or Dr. H.) is our school psychologist.  He is semi-retired and hails from somewhere in Michigan where he spent a large portion of his career working in Catholic schools.  Don is tall and thin and looks like he was a runner when he was younger (which, I found out, he was--we discussed this when I had my ACL replaced and he sympathized by telling me about his total knee replacement).  Don has white hair and a white beard and mustache and sometimes wears a denim shirt with Looney Tunes characters embroidered on the back.  I really love Don.


When I had a different frustrating job at my school, my office was right across the hall from his.  He'd pop his head in every morning and give me a pseudo-grumpy greeting.  I miss that about my old job.  He still greets me in his fake-grumpy manner whenever he sees me in the hallway, though.  A couple of weeks ago, he popped into my classroom one morning.  We engaged in a lively conversation about Mitt Romney (neither of us are big fans).  I miss my old office sometimes.


Just today he came to my room to talk to me about a student.  Before leaving, he made reference to my leaving the school (yes I am--was just offered a position to teach at another school in a different city).  He asked why I'm leaving.  I told him that this city is not a good place for a single, thirty-year-old woman.  He paused for a moment, cocked his head to one side and said one of the most encouraging things to me I've ever been told.  


"A single thirty-year-old woman like you should not be a single thirty-year-old woman."


It made me feel like maybe I am a good catch.  I mean, if someone I admire as much as Don thinks I'm pretty neat, perhaps I am.


Thanks, Don.  You'll never know how much that meant to me.  Especially right now...

Perhaps It's More a Commentary on Men...

I always hated references to women freaking out on men and bashing in their trucks with a baseball bat. Or a crowbar.  Or whatever.  I felt as if they portrayed women in a bad light--as if women are volatile and ready to snap at any second.


I may have changed my mind.


Instead of bashing in your truck, however, I found great pleasure and relish in smashing that stupid jewelry box into thousands of pieces on the cement outside my bedroom.  I'm hoping I can find more large pieces tomorrow morning when the sun comes up so I can throw them again.  


I also unfriended you on Facebook.


So, it's not as dramatic as I wish it could be, but my rampage will not land me a police record.


And, you're still a jerk.  I just don't have to be reminded about it when I look at my jewelry anymore...

SOLIDARITY...!

I often feel frustrated and perhaps a little spiritually impotent.  There was a flare up of this recently.  Today, thanks to the miracle of the internet (and my dependence on it when I can't find the energy to do anything but surf mindlessly), I ran into a fantastic blog I sometimes read.


You should go there.  


http://www.askmormongirl.com/


On many occasions, I find myself indulging in a luxury granted to the teenage-world; that is, sulking and feeling misunderstood.  I somehow find a twisted comfort in holding to the belief that I am the only one who feels particular feelings, has particular doubts, challenges particular cultural, political, and/or doctrinal stances.  That twisted comfort lasts only for a brief moment before settling into a deep pit of anxiety and despair.  


So, a sense of solidarity is a tender mercy.  Thank you to the imperfect souls out there who are willing to expose your vulnerabilities to the rest of us.  We need it.  


I need it.