My thoughts originated from low blood sugar. As I got some food in my stomach, they evolved from something visceral to something I'd like to chew on. Join me for this journey.
Today is Mother's Day. I like Mother's Day. I like the idea of setting apart one day to celebrate motherhood. The idea of designating specific days to commemorate events or honor people is something I agree with. We become a little more appreciative of those events or people as they are brought forefront into our minds.
That being said, I do NOT like getting a flower on Mother's Day.
I am NOT a mother. Plain and simple fact. This is a day to honor MOTHERS, not potential mothers. You may disagree and that is fine, but here are my thoughts...
My worth is not defined by what I do or what I have potential to become. I am worth something simply by virtue of being a human being. I have recited the words, "I am a daughter of my Heavenly Father who loves me" since I was 12. I said it every Sunday and Wednesday for six years. So, I do not need to be remembered as a potential mother on a day set apart to celebrate actual mothers in order to feel like I'm worth something. By giving out the token flowers in a single's ward to all the single and childless women, you make me feel like I should be feeling sorry for myself. I do not, in the slightest, feel any sense of resentment that women who have actually birthed and/or reared children are being celebrated and I am not.
I do not like the idea of honoring all people on Teacher Appreciation Day simply because we all have the POTENTIAL to be teachers. People who don't fight the effectual battles with unruly behavior, test scores, or unsupportive parents and administrators should not get the coupons, balloons, and chocolate reserved for those of us who DO. Why should I be recognized as part of a group I really don't belong to? It cheapens the intended effect.
Secondly, a token flower to honor the women who surround you EVERY SINGLE DAY is offensive. Why? Well, because you ignore us the rest of the year. How about you honor us by treating us like thinking and feeling human beings? How about you honor us by acknowledging our presence in the hallways at church? How about you honor us by sitting by us during the meetings? Learning our names? Making friends with us? Being genuine human beings in our presence? We are not all beautiful, witty, flirty, thin, charming, or whatever characteristics you are looking for in a potential mother to your own children. But, we are all worth the effort it takes to humanize us. And we are not all hungrily hunting for husbands. You don't need to panic about that. Treating us like ladies and respecting our contributions outside of our potential to breed is how you can honor us. Don't spend an entire year ignoring our presence only to present us with a token flower and wish us a happy Mother's Day. The insincerity again cheapens the intended effect.
I understand the intentions behind the flowers are good. I get that. Let's move beyond ritualistic tokens and bring some personalized interactions into the mix. I am a person and long to be recognized as such.
And let's leave the day to those who really deserve it, shall we?
Where is the like button?
ReplyDeleteI stayed home from church today and Brett brought me the pre-dead (fake) flower taped to a Milky-Way bar. I've never avoided church on Mother's Day, but today was honestly one of the best Mother's Days I've ever had, and I think part of that is because I stayed home (and the real reason why I did).
ReplyDeleteI know who I am. I know what my potential is. And I'm, mostly, just fine with where I'm at right now.
"Pre-dead" is the best description EVER! I'm really happy you had a fantastic Mother's Day! We'll talk soon (Thursday probably). I have a book to give back to you as well... :)
ReplyDeleteI agree with Clarkey, and I'd like to "like" this post. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this matter Cammie Jan.
ReplyDelete